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bsp‘WHAT ON EARTH HAVE YOU DONE?’ shrieked Princess with enough venom to take down a herd of cattle.

There was less than four hours to go before her guests were due to arrive and the central focus of the party, namely our lovely blue spa, was currently doing a fantastic impression of that river in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

‘Well…’ I hesitantly begin to explain. ‘I suppose the heater must have gone a bit rusty over the winter, and when I turned it on just now, it all flushed…’

SLAM!

…the back door was closed on me ‘teen style’. The dog who didn’t see that coming, now stood trembling by the edge of the spa having nearly fallen in after an acrobatic 360° leap. I understood exactly why she was cross – I was cross too, for the very same reason. I just had a slightly different concern for not having the spa functioning. Her concern was that the ‘Bon Voyage Spa Rave’ would now be downgraded to just a ‘Farewell Rave’. My concern was that the twenty or so gorgeous female teen guests would no longer be parading round my back garden in their bikinis. There was nothing for it, I’d simply have to clean it out, and fast. I needed at least three hours just to heat it up.

As the clock struck 7:00pm, I appeared to have worked a miracle. The spa was crystal clear and a very tempting 35°C/95°F. As more and more girls arrived, the back garden blissfully transformed into something resembling the Playboy Mansion. Banned by Princess (metaphorically speaking) from playing any kind of Hugh Heffner type role, I decided to help serve the food and top-up their non-alcoholic drinks instead. At one point, suspicious of all the help she was getting, Working Mum fired me a cutting look from the kitchen as if to say ‘If-this-was-our-party-you-wouldn’t-be-doing-a-bloody-thing’. I just shrugged and mouthed back ‘These canapes aren’t going to serve themselves, are they dear?’. Over the shrieking teens, she replied something about her wanting to have a cold shower, so I just waved her off and carried on enjoying my role as waiter.

Muppet Dog was also having fun mingling with the girls. He however, was noticeably ahead of me on the getting attention points table. I put this down to the fact that Soldier Boy had dressed him up in Rodent Boy’s black ‘SECURITY’ t-shirt which made him look very funny.

All too soon though it was time for them to all go home. Much hugging and kissing went on as they departed leaving Princess feeling suitably farewell-ed. She leaves Australia to stay with her French exchange family in just over two weeks time. It will be so very strange not having her (or her friends) around for a whole seven weeks, not to mention the first Christmas we haven’t all been together. Still, with the magic of Skype we should still be able to see and talk to her on the big day – we’ll just be a lot warmer!

Mother update
Thank you for your messages of concern. The good news is that she ended up keeping her spleen and while she still remains in hospital, she is now out of intensive care. The bad news is that she killed two of her fish.

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